Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Do Over.

I'm being reflective these days. Reconnected with some old friends who I let slip away. Making new friends. Trying to remember what is important. Basically, right now, I'm completely open to new experiences. What I've been doing isn't really working out for me in terms of emotional development. Sometimes, to move forward we have to reach back to the past and set right things that once went wrong, not to get all "Quantum Leapy" on ya.

I wouldn't call any of the choices that I've made about my life "mistakes." I'm only sorry that it took me so long to get where I am now. I'm not fearless. In fact, I'm pretty terrified, but I'm not letting fear hold me back anymore. Rhonda Britton says that fear is a result of not having faith in yourself. When you are afraid, it's because you don't trust yourself to be able to handle what might happen. You're not secure enough in your sense of self to know that no matter what happens, you'll be alright. But, I'm starting to feel just that. That I'm going to be alright. That I actually have what it takes to take chances and start over. Fear is my enemy.

There is no such thing as "safe." No matter how close you play your cards or how many rules you follow, none of us are ever safe. Seeking safety is a waste of time. Efforts are better spent taking chances, making mistakes and picking up the pieces. That's how you live life. Otherwise, you're just passing time until you die.