Less is More

I am 32 today. Thirty-two. Single. Childless. Jobless. Homeless.

I've never felt more hopeful about the future.

It's complicated

Paul and I have separated.

Well, Well, Well

Isn't Adam Lambert a dirty little boy?



Okay, seriously, people are up in arms because he kissed a dude. Um, hello? That's what gay guys do and this one has never made a secret of his sexuality, so you get what you pay for. It's just a kiss. Britney and Madonna kissed. Also an uproar, but not so much anger and hate. Like Joy Behar said, everyone loves a lesbian kiss.

But what really amazes me is that so much attention has been given to the kiss. I mean, the whole performance and song were pretty filthy. I mean, didn't the AMA producers listen to the lyrics before they signed off on this performance?

"It’s alright
You’ll be fine
Baby, I’m in control
Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I’m the master of both
Close your eyes
Not your mind
Let me into your soul
I’ma work ya ’til your totally blown

No escaping when I start
Once I’m in I own your heart
There’s no way ‘ta ring the alarm
So hold on until it’s over

Oh, do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I’m ’bout to do?
‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you
I’m here for your entertainment"

What were they expecting for the performance? Personally, I have a soft spot for filth. I'm an old school NIN fan and I've listened to and enjoy much heavier and more subversive music than this. I think the real issue is that this dude is from American Idol, which is pretty much synonymous with wholesome family entertainment. Adam Lambert is no Carrie Underwood. This performance is certainly far from wholesome and probably not appropriate for the venue, but I might try to check him out when he comes to town.

Do Over.

I'm being reflective these days. Reconnected with some old friends who I let slip away. Making new friends. Trying to remember what is important. Basically, right now, I'm completely open to new experiences. What I've been doing isn't really working out for me in terms of emotional development. Sometimes, to move forward we have to reach back to the past and set right things that once went wrong, not to get all "Quantum Leapy" on ya.

I wouldn't call any of the choices that I've made about my life "mistakes." I'm only sorry that it took me so long to get where I am now. I'm not fearless. In fact, I'm pretty terrified, but I'm not letting fear hold me back anymore. Rhonda Britton says that fear is a result of not having faith in yourself. When you are afraid, it's because you don't trust yourself to be able to handle what might happen. You're not secure enough in your sense of self to know that no matter what happens, you'll be alright. But, I'm starting to feel just that. That I'm going to be alright. That I actually have what it takes to take chances and start over. Fear is my enemy.

There is no such thing as "safe." No matter how close you play your cards or how many rules you follow, none of us are ever safe. Seeking safety is a waste of time. Efforts are better spent taking chances, making mistakes and picking up the pieces. That's how you live life. Otherwise, you're just passing time until you die.

Sniper

John Allen Muhammad was executed last night. Maybe it's a sign that I'm getting old, but it seems like his sentence was carried out rather swiftly, comparatively. In 2002, during his killing spree, I worked in a newsroom and had some exposure to the story daily. A coworker attended a wedding in the DC area during this time and I remember him joking that he was going to wear a shirt with a target on it. Ah! Newsroom humor! This is the same guy that once said that he was considering cancelling his planned tour of Israeli sidewalk cafes. Humor can really get you through the daily death and destruction you are exposed to in a newsroom.

I remember once, a coworker and I were watching some aerials of a found body feed in. The chopper was over a parking lot and there, right in the handicapped space was the body and we both erupted into a fit of giggles. It's not that we don't care. Really. We care. It's just that we have to somehow cope and often, that's through humor.

I don't believe in the death penalty. I don't think the government has any business killing it's citizens, but it's not a cause I'm all up in arms about. I mean, there are people out there that are more deserving of my compassion. Even animals are more deserving of my compassion. I'd rather see a killer like Muhammad be executed than an innocent stray.

I don't know where I'm going with this. His death just feels like a bow on a tidy little package. That story is over now. The affects of September 11 are still with me daily. The wars continue. Daniel Pearl's beheading still replays in my mind. But the DC sniper is a done deal. I'm sure the families of his victims don't feel the same way.

Coat Sale!

In case you haven't heard, Old Navy is having a half-off outerwear sale this week only. Which is perfect for me, since I'm cold. I'm thinking something plaid, although I don't know when plaid came back in style or when I started liking it, but I've been kind of drawn to it lately. I guess my inner alternative-seattle-flannel-90s lumberjack is coming out.

Super Thrifty!

I wish I had the patience for this.