Monday, November 17, 2008
Chances are, if you're reading this, it's because you don't know about my real blog, where I let it all hang out and talk endlessly about all my problems and personal drama. This is my "professional" blog, which almost seems like a contradition in terms to someone who's life has been exposed on the internet since 1998. But, because of the nature of my job, I have to keep that identity secret. I'm like superman, except my alter ego isn't a super hero. It's a whiney angst filled repetitive loser who is barely keeping things together. But not here. Here, I'm a hard-working creative writer using the power of positive thinking to get through a tough time.
Having a professional blog is proving to be quite a challenge for me. I almost deleted that last post about 20 times. Either that, or move it over to the personal blog, but then we'd have the problem of revealing my professional identity over there. Sigh. Can't win.
I keep flip-flopping about what to write here. I mean, if people are going to read it, which is the whole point, then it needs to be interesting, and to me, interesting means honest, but who's honest when looking for a job?
I'm still trying to find where this new blog and the BWTM empire fits into my life, so if you're reading, bear with me. I'm leaning towards being more casual and open over here, although you still probably won't hear me discussing my sex tape or stalking conviction. Haha.
Having a professional blog is proving to be quite a challenge for me. I almost deleted that last post about 20 times. Either that, or move it over to the personal blog, but then we'd have the problem of revealing my professional identity over there. Sigh. Can't win.
I keep flip-flopping about what to write here. I mean, if people are going to read it, which is the whole point, then it needs to be interesting, and to me, interesting means honest, but who's honest when looking for a job?
I'm still trying to find where this new blog and the BWTM empire fits into my life, so if you're reading, bear with me. I'm leaning towards being more casual and open over here, although you still probably won't hear me discussing my sex tape or stalking conviction. Haha.
News Hangover
This morning, I've been reading Live Apartment Fire, former coworker Doug Richard's blog about local news. Unlike Doug, I hope to work again in the future, so BWTM isn't going to be following in his footsteps of critiquing local newscasts- I'll leave that to the experts, but I would like to address the emotional toll that working in news takes on a person.
I started in news early and I was probably around 23 when I realized that the part of me that had once had compassion for the victims of crime or circumstance was no longer there. I was logging an incoming feed from a helicopter that was flying over the scene of a body that had been found in a parking lot and I remember chuckling to myself as I saw the dead mutilated body laying in a pool of blood in..... and this is the funny part..... the handicapped space! Funny, right? No, it's not funny at all. Unless you have done what all people who are faced with death and tragedy day in and day out do, and that's turn off your empathy.
After my chuckle, I dutifully noted in the log-
Dead body- Do not air.
Because they don't show dead bodies on the local evening news.
Well, that's not entirely true. Sometimes, they do. A dead body is more appropriate in the late evening news than in the early evening news. A body under a tarp is fine, as long as the tarp is not bloody. Blood splatter or spray is okay, particularly in the case of a car or sidewalk bombing. Body parts are fine to show, as long as they are mixed in with other debris and not easily recognizable. You shouldn't show a shot with body parts in it for more than about five seconds. That's tacky. And chances are, that if you can't tell if it's a body part of a pile of bloody rags, then it's okay to show briefly, you know, to convey the seriousness of the situation.
But never ever under any circumstances should you show the moment of death. Sure, the photographer had to sit at the scene of a police stand-off for 9 hours with his camera rolling on the suspect in case something happened, but the moment that something actually does happen, say the police open fire on him when he pulls a gun, the video is unusable. You have to freeze the video on the frame where the guy has pulled out his gun and is beginning to take aim, but you can let the audio play.... Bang bang bang scream bang bang. So that it's not quite real- there's just the implication of what it's actually like when a man commits suicide by cop. Or, say if some terrorists kidnap a journalist, one of our own, and decide to video tape his head being cut off in slow sawing motions and then send it out on the wire. You don't show that on the news. But you do watch it. And those images emblazon themselves on your brain- along with the images of innocent beach goers being swept up in a tsunami or people jumping from the 30th floor or a collapsing tower, or a man flying from the window of his speeding ford explorer and bouncing across 285. All these things become a part of who you are and then no one understands why you're laughing in horror movies and rolling your eyes at terrorism.
Since I've left news, I think my ability to empathize is returning somewhat. I almost cried over the death of Dottie the Elephant and the story about the little girl kept in the closet took my breath away and I didn't feel quite right the rest of the day. But I still can't flip back on the switch that I flipped off that made me feel true compassion for these strangers, and honestly, I don't want to. It would hurt too much. And I have a job to do.
I started in news early and I was probably around 23 when I realized that the part of me that had once had compassion for the victims of crime or circumstance was no longer there. I was logging an incoming feed from a helicopter that was flying over the scene of a body that had been found in a parking lot and I remember chuckling to myself as I saw the dead mutilated body laying in a pool of blood in..... and this is the funny part..... the handicapped space! Funny, right? No, it's not funny at all. Unless you have done what all people who are faced with death and tragedy day in and day out do, and that's turn off your empathy.
After my chuckle, I dutifully noted in the log-
Dead body- Do not air.
Because they don't show dead bodies on the local evening news.
Well, that's not entirely true. Sometimes, they do. A dead body is more appropriate in the late evening news than in the early evening news. A body under a tarp is fine, as long as the tarp is not bloody. Blood splatter or spray is okay, particularly in the case of a car or sidewalk bombing. Body parts are fine to show, as long as they are mixed in with other debris and not easily recognizable. You shouldn't show a shot with body parts in it for more than about five seconds. That's tacky. And chances are, that if you can't tell if it's a body part of a pile of bloody rags, then it's okay to show briefly, you know, to convey the seriousness of the situation.
But never ever under any circumstances should you show the moment of death. Sure, the photographer had to sit at the scene of a police stand-off for 9 hours with his camera rolling on the suspect in case something happened, but the moment that something actually does happen, say the police open fire on him when he pulls a gun, the video is unusable. You have to freeze the video on the frame where the guy has pulled out his gun and is beginning to take aim, but you can let the audio play.... Bang bang bang scream bang bang. So that it's not quite real- there's just the implication of what it's actually like when a man commits suicide by cop. Or, say if some terrorists kidnap a journalist, one of our own, and decide to video tape his head being cut off in slow sawing motions and then send it out on the wire. You don't show that on the news. But you do watch it. And those images emblazon themselves on your brain- along with the images of innocent beach goers being swept up in a tsunami or people jumping from the 30th floor or a collapsing tower, or a man flying from the window of his speeding ford explorer and bouncing across 285. All these things become a part of who you are and then no one understands why you're laughing in horror movies and rolling your eyes at terrorism.
Since I've left news, I think my ability to empathize is returning somewhat. I almost cried over the death of Dottie the Elephant and the story about the little girl kept in the closet took my breath away and I didn't feel quite right the rest of the day. But I still can't flip back on the switch that I flipped off that made me feel true compassion for these strangers, and honestly, I don't want to. It would hurt too much. And I have a job to do.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
eHow
I once again got out of bed early this morning and headed to work as usual, but just to clean out my office. Even after just one day, I felt much less attached to my work there and I was able to throw out some things that I'd decided to keep earlier in the week. I just realized that there was no way I would need them in my new life. I let it go and it felt good.
I went to a Weight Watchers meeting today. It feels so cultish sometimes, but it's the only thing that's ever worked for me (or anyone else I know for that matter) in terms of weight loss, so I'm back to counting points. Starting Saturday. I'm not starting today or tomorrow because I need to go to the grocery store and we don't get paid until tomorrow, plus, I'm going out to lunch tomorrow with a former co-worker at the zoo.
After Weight Watchers, I signed up to be a writer on eHow and submitted two articles:
How to Professionally Frost a Cake
How to Publicize a Charity Event
I'm going to try to write and submit one of these per day, although I'm not sure how many things I actually know how to do. I have a lot in mind for right now, though.
These are cool because although you don't get paid to write them, you get residual income from them. So, from now on, every time someone reads that article, I'll get paid. Cents. Maybe less than a cent. A tiny tiny amount.
Tomorrow, I'm planning to look into Associated Content. It's the same sort of deal, I think, only it's not "how to." It's just content. Which I have TONS of. Blah blah blah.
I didn't apply for any full time jobs today- couldn't find anything- but I did spend a good deal of time looking.
I also did more laundry and sold the coffee table in the den. That, combined with money I transferred out of my paypal account covers the sofa that I bought yesterday. Hopefully, I can sell some more stuff over the weekend so that I can finish decorating the living room. I'm so ready for one room in our house to look nice.
Tomorrow, I have several things that I need to do-
-Lunch with Sherry to discuss freelance opportunities at her job
-Send Duane an email about writing for The Tribune (he left me a voicemail today)
-Set up a meeting with Shena from the Damian Wilkins Foundation about writing a grant for her
-Set up a meeting with Liz about writing for a local parenting magazine
-Send Whitney at Newcomer the writing clips she asked for
-Talk to Susan and Carole about AARF grant
-Pitch story to pet magazine
-Take pictures of items for Etsy Store
- Children's Books
- Ashtray
- Tea pot
- Kitten
- Cup and saucer
- Two blouses
-Take picures of items for craigslist and post for sale
- rug
- white shelf
I went to a Weight Watchers meeting today. It feels so cultish sometimes, but it's the only thing that's ever worked for me (or anyone else I know for that matter) in terms of weight loss, so I'm back to counting points. Starting Saturday. I'm not starting today or tomorrow because I need to go to the grocery store and we don't get paid until tomorrow, plus, I'm going out to lunch tomorrow with a former co-worker at the zoo.
After Weight Watchers, I signed up to be a writer on eHow and submitted two articles:
How to Professionally Frost a Cake
How to Publicize a Charity Event
I'm going to try to write and submit one of these per day, although I'm not sure how many things I actually know how to do. I have a lot in mind for right now, though.
These are cool because although you don't get paid to write them, you get residual income from them. So, from now on, every time someone reads that article, I'll get paid. Cents. Maybe less than a cent. A tiny tiny amount.
Tomorrow, I'm planning to look into Associated Content. It's the same sort of deal, I think, only it's not "how to." It's just content. Which I have TONS of. Blah blah blah.
I didn't apply for any full time jobs today- couldn't find anything- but I did spend a good deal of time looking.
I also did more laundry and sold the coffee table in the den. That, combined with money I transferred out of my paypal account covers the sofa that I bought yesterday. Hopefully, I can sell some more stuff over the weekend so that I can finish decorating the living room. I'm so ready for one room in our house to look nice.
Tomorrow, I have several things that I need to do-
-Lunch with Sherry to discuss freelance opportunities at her job
-Send Duane an email about writing for The Tribune (he left me a voicemail today)
-Set up a meeting with Shena from the Damian Wilkins Foundation about writing a grant for her
-Set up a meeting with Liz about writing for a local parenting magazine
-Send Whitney at Newcomer the writing clips she asked for
-Talk to Susan and Carole about AARF grant
-Pitch story to pet magazine
-Take pictures of items for Etsy Store
- Children's Books
- Ashtray
- Tea pot
- Kitten
- Cup and saucer
- Two blouses
-Take picures of items for craigslist and post for sale
- rug
- white shelf
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
First Day
Wow. Today was a really good day.
One of my worries is that I would slide into a depression during this transitional period and not maximize the opportunities that this period is affording me. You know, I was worried that I'd sleep all day and watch tv and putz around on the internet.
Well, I'm proud to say that I did not do that today. I was up bright and early and took the dogs for a nice long walk. Then I checked email and had a response to an inquiry I'd sent about a sofa on craigslist. I ended up deciding to purchase it (funded by craigslist sales of my old junk), so I made the arrangements, went to Home Depot and rented a truck for $20, went to Decatur and me and the women selling it loaded it onto the truck, I drove it home, unloaded it off the truck by myself (I almost had to bust out a physics book to look up "leverage" and "balance"), then returned the truck, all before noon.
This afternoon was spent making a daily plan to keep me on track and listing some more stuff for sale on craigslist. I also washed dishes, cleaned the kitchen and took out the trash.
A pretty good first day.
One of my worries is that I would slide into a depression during this transitional period and not maximize the opportunities that this period is affording me. You know, I was worried that I'd sleep all day and watch tv and putz around on the internet.
Well, I'm proud to say that I did not do that today. I was up bright and early and took the dogs for a nice long walk. Then I checked email and had a response to an inquiry I'd sent about a sofa on craigslist. I ended up deciding to purchase it (funded by craigslist sales of my old junk), so I made the arrangements, went to Home Depot and rented a truck for $20, went to Decatur and me and the women selling it loaded it onto the truck, I drove it home, unloaded it off the truck by myself (I almost had to bust out a physics book to look up "leverage" and "balance"), then returned the truck, all before noon.
This afternoon was spent making a daily plan to keep me on track and listing some more stuff for sale on craigslist. I also washed dishes, cleaned the kitchen and took out the trash.
A pretty good first day.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Last Day
I am very emotional today and feeling a bit unsure of myself, but trying to ignore those feelings. I applied for several full-time jobs today, including one that I actually think that I would really enjoy, so we'll see if anything comes of that. I've also applied for lots of freelance work.
Tomorrow is my first day without a job, however, I am going to go into the old job to clean out my office. I had to leave today before I could get to it. I am leaving more loose ends than I intended to leave, but if will have to suffice. I did all I could and they should be pretty much on auto pilot for the next several weeks and I've done some work to help prepare them for the more distant future. I also closed a sponsorship today, so I'm leaving on a good note.
Tomorrow will mostly be a day of planning.
Tomorrow is my first day without a job, however, I am going to go into the old job to clean out my office. I had to leave today before I could get to it. I am leaving more loose ends than I intended to leave, but if will have to suffice. I did all I could and they should be pretty much on auto pilot for the next several weeks and I've done some work to help prepare them for the more distant future. I also closed a sponsorship today, so I'm leaving on a good note.
Tomorrow will mostly be a day of planning.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I am not liking how blogger automatically logs you in based on your gmail address, because I have a "professional" address that I am logged into most of the day and then I have one that I use for comments, blogging, etc, so I always have to change gmail accounts. Annoying.
Tomorrow is my last day with a real job. So strange. I sent out a farewell email to my contacts today and got several offers of freelance work, so that's encouraging.
I'm starting to think about how my days will go. I know that I need to establish some sort of housekeeping routine so I can kind of put the house on auto-pilot and not get caught up in tedious housecleaning projects. I've used flylady in the past and I'm probably going to go back to that. It worked pretty well for me, but I always thought that it would be better if I wasn't trapped at work all day. Also, of course, I'm going to have to make time to 1)look for work and 2)do work. I'm thinking of doing a quick morning routine for housekeeping and then focusing on work until lunch and then spending the afternoon doing miscellaneous and assorted meetings and projects that I need to do, like write a novel and learn to sew.
And there's also health stuff. I'm definitely going to go back to Weight Watchers and COUNT MY POINTS and I have to work exercise into my routine as well. Plus, I want to get back into yoga and I want to start cooking dinner regularly. Healthy dinners. For me and my husband.
Tomorrow will be slammed at work trying to get everything caught up and ready to transfer over to the poor girl who will be taking over my responsibilities in the interim. Plus, I really want to get through all my emails and wrap up some stuff that's still hanging.
I'm going to go in early, because I'm not sure what time they'll cut off my access tomorrow. I'm thinking 5 since that's my official quitting time.
My work friends are taking me out to lunch tomorrow, which is nice and appreciated. I wish that I'd gotten to know them better, but I'm planning on serving on the planning board for Tour de Cure, so I'll still be in touch with them.
All is well and I'm very excited about the future. I can't wait until Wednesday!
Tomorrow is my last day with a real job. So strange. I sent out a farewell email to my contacts today and got several offers of freelance work, so that's encouraging.
I'm starting to think about how my days will go. I know that I need to establish some sort of housekeeping routine so I can kind of put the house on auto-pilot and not get caught up in tedious housecleaning projects. I've used flylady in the past and I'm probably going to go back to that. It worked pretty well for me, but I always thought that it would be better if I wasn't trapped at work all day. Also, of course, I'm going to have to make time to 1)look for work and 2)do work. I'm thinking of doing a quick morning routine for housekeeping and then focusing on work until lunch and then spending the afternoon doing miscellaneous and assorted meetings and projects that I need to do, like write a novel and learn to sew.
And there's also health stuff. I'm definitely going to go back to Weight Watchers and COUNT MY POINTS and I have to work exercise into my routine as well. Plus, I want to get back into yoga and I want to start cooking dinner regularly. Healthy dinners. For me and my husband.
Tomorrow will be slammed at work trying to get everything caught up and ready to transfer over to the poor girl who will be taking over my responsibilities in the interim. Plus, I really want to get through all my emails and wrap up some stuff that's still hanging.
I'm going to go in early, because I'm not sure what time they'll cut off my access tomorrow. I'm thinking 5 since that's my official quitting time.
My work friends are taking me out to lunch tomorrow, which is nice and appreciated. I wish that I'd gotten to know them better, but I'm planning on serving on the planning board for Tour de Cure, so I'll still be in touch with them.
All is well and I'm very excited about the future. I can't wait until Wednesday!
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